©Dr N 2004 (any member of the paragon forum has my authority to use all or any part of this document as they see fit, you could print it and use it as toilet paper!)

OK Guys an Gals so you've seen my alien impression!

Sunday 15th Aug  CBT day

A light hearted overview of the day

06:30 Woke up (just) nervous as hell, it looked like it was going to be a nice day, the sun was shinning but I had to tame the beast (GN125) I was thinking and worrying whether or not I was going to enjoy my day, was I going to make a complete arse of myself? was I going to drop the bike? how far was it to the nearest A&E? all this was going through my mind, you have to appreciate that I had never ridden a bike with gears in fact my only experience of 2 wheels with their own power (not leg power) was a Batavus Go Go back in 1978 and sometimes that required some help from my legs!

08:10 Arrived at PARAGON made a bit of a hash parking the bema much to the merriment of the "herberts" loafing about outside, heard comments such as "can't park on the road, has to use the pavement" and other minor jibes from said herberts. I introduced myself in the usual manner of "Blow it out yer arse shorty" followed by standard human greetings. We then went through all the usual red tape stuff........ license please, age, sex....etc followed by a nice cup-o-tea more merriment and an introduction into the art of antique humour by little Gary. Digit took the piss a bit as did everyone else but being a Ruffty Tuffty old ex-matelot this did not phase me. The young lad sitting in the corner looked a bit shocked though, especially when a pretty young thing was spotted across the road and then mentally undressed by most if not all of us combined with the relevant comments. not exactly standard CBT stuff but it did make things a little less nervous. After a while we got kitted up, gloves, helmet, carrot jacket etc ready for the off. 

09:00ish The young lad and I were treated to a driving lesson Digit style (that man can really multi task) the other two guys got to be pillions on the Gary bikes which has to be better than being shoe horned into the front of a transit van with a very nervous young lad two skid lids and Digit at the wheel

09:00ish plus about 15 seconds! Arrived at the school playground area to find Gary, Gary and the two twisty lads mooching about waiting for us (I thought we got there quick enough)

09:00ish > 13:00ish. The four of us "pupils" were treated to an absolutely brilliant training session starting with the basic but important controls, bike parts, reasons why certain things must be done, reasons why other things should not be done, (unless you're Evil Knieval, and we all know what happened to him) followed by demonstrations on this, that and the other. We were let loose to "play" oops should that be "practice" these things. after lots of button pressing and swearing we moved on to riding the growling beasts between our knees. as the day progressed we learnt more and more new and wondrous things we had a couple of small breaks just to let the info sink in, allowing little Gary to tell some more jokes and to let the showers pass. We progressed steadily, gaining the new skills that would be required of us in the outside world, that place where other things move as well, not just cone kicking, but real big nasty lorries and cars and space ships and other humanoids. eventually big Gary got so hungry that we just had to stop, the man was gnawing at the tree trunks. unfortunately the other guy on the geared bike had a bit of trouble co-ordinating his brain with his hands and feet (I can assure you, it does take some concentration, especially from an old git like me) this was to be the premature end of his day, Gary didn't like having to tell him but I felt he had made the right decision. "SAFETY FIRST, EGO SECOND"  (as if I new!) We got wired for sound, booted and spurred ready to rumble an all that jazz.

13:00ish D-Day or should that be R-Day, I was about to either enjoy this immensely or have need of a giant nappy. We were on the open if a little crowded road, we dropped the nipper of at PARAGON then BG (big Gary) led the way down to Stokes Bay (by this time his tyres were half eaten) BG needed food badly and so did I. When we got there I must of had a rush of shit to the brain I actually offered, nay, insisted that I purchase BG's lunch (honest it wasn't a bribe :-) Dave) my wallet was then lightened by the VFM sum of £5.10. BG's missus turned up and we had a nice welcome break with the obligatory cup-o-tea and bacon butties (sausage for BG) then we were back on the road. We went here there and everywhere IT WAS GR8, trundling about terrorising the neighbourhood with the dulcet tones of BG in my ear, "turn right at next left", "stop", "go", "reset your winkerlator", "give it some Bo**ocks", "40 along here" etc. After what seemed like 10 minutes but was actually an hour or so (BG's patience had probably left him to his own devices HaHa) we pulled up in a very quiet road to do some "U" turns and emergency stops. (must remind myself to practice them when I get my own wheels) BG seemed to have gone mad and actually said that he thought I was of a safe enough standard to be allowed to do all these things on my own, by myself, alone, just me. I was instructed to lead the way back to PARAGON where he would issue a CBT cert thingy, If he was better looking I would have kissed him! (NOT) We got back, I watched a vid about road safety whilst BG learnt to write joined up

15:30ish I had my CBT cert in my mit YAHOOOOOOO!

STARDATE150804,15:45, driving home just seemed different, I had a strange new outlook on the road ahead, I felt more aware and cautious, I felt more observant, I was doing "lifesavers" more often (I've always used them but now they seem even more relevant) I had spent a day having fun, I really really enjoyed it, the course was well structured, progressive, very informative, fun and most importantly SAFE. I owe you guys a great debt (but you aren't gonna get diddly squat HaHa)

Dr Nicholls

PS, If I have offended any person whilst writing this quirky dit I apologise but you can "Blow it out yer arse" any way

©Dr N 2004 (any member of the paragon forum has my authority to use all or any part of this document as they see fit, you could print it and use it as toilet paper!)